Review:
The sudden loss of a loved one in
mid-life carries a particularly poignant pain.
My friend whose husband died of
cancer in midlife, found Mending by
Dorothy Hsu was the only truly healing book (outside the scripture) that
allowed her to mend after a series of months when she lost her husband, her
father and her best friend in death, one right after the other. (Dorothy Hsu, Mending,
David Cook Publishing, 2011)
Although there are many books on
the market that address issues of grief, Mending
is one of the most heart rending and honest books available. Writing in
simple one page meditations, often in verse, Dorothy Hsu allows the reader to share
her inner thoughts as she processes the
depths of her suffering and disorientation. Mending
is a small, short book but it is a wise, gentle, and deeply profound companion
in grief for a person who is trying to find his or her way back to God’s peace
after loss. A must have.
-M.L.Codman-Wilson,
PHD. 9/25/2013
Excerpts:
The Furnace:
It’s still painful,
Extremely painful,
Remembering how it was
In the hospital.
Driving every day,
Praying all the way
For strength to make it one more time.
I screamed inside as I
Walked past the candy stripers,
The nurses,
The visitors.
“Do you know my husband’s dying?”
The words almost seemed obscene.
“My husband’s dying. He is literally,
Actually, truly dying.”
And I would walk along
One step behind the other
Pretending life was normal.
Surely someone would notice.
Surely someone could see the grief
On my face.
I wanted someone to stop me and say,
“What’s wrong, dear? Can I help?”
But no one did.
Not one.
Not till that last week
When Min’s cousin Reggie and Suchinda came.
What a relief to have Reggie pay in the
Room with Min, for Min.
To have him talk to the doctor.
To give me hope when all hope was gone.
The Lord knew I was reaching the point
Where I couldn’t go on.
It’s been over a month now, and it’s
Still painful.
In fact, I don’t dig these feelings
Out very often.
They’re almost sacred:
Those private, searing [paints that
Only You can understand.
That was the furnace, Lord.
That was You purifying me.
That was You burning up all that
Hay and stubble
In my life and bringing me out
Unscorched. (pp. 10-11)
The Trapdoor:
I didn’t know there was a trapdoor
In the bottom of the toaster.
It was Min’s before we were married.
I didn’t know until today.
I turned it upside down to get the
Waffles out
When I saw it.
Can you imagine the result
When I opened it?
Over nine years’ worth of crumbs.
Amazing
The pile it made!
I didn’t know how many crumbs
Were in my life either, Lord,
Till the bottom dropped out.
Now I know not to let the crumbs
Collect.
In the toaster,
Or my life. (p.35)
Why?:
Why is it hard to cry sometimes?
It seems so easy for others.
Grandma Combs cries
She cleanses her soul, I think.
Why is it so hard for me?
I want to, you know.
When I sing his favorite hymns
The tears are there.
But they don’t fall freely.
For some reason I hold them back.
There’s no shame in tears.
Even Jesus wept.
So why,
Why is it so hard for me?
(p.44)
Widow:
I didn’t know she knew what the word meant.
Had I ever used it in her presence?
She’s only five.
It was so new to me, too.
I guess she sensed it was a sinister word
Because she whispered it to me as
We were walking out of the grocery store.
I had to lean over and ask,
“What did you say, Rachel?”
Just three words they were.
Just three words.
“You’re a widow.” (p.43)
Don’t Say:
Don’t say,
“If you need anything, call.”
I need all sorts of things,
But I won’t call.
I’m not built that way.
You call me.
Tell me:
“I’ll pick up the girls today.”
Tell me:
“Bob will be over to mow the lawn.”
Tell me”
“I’ll help you clean today.”
But don’t say,
“If you need anything, call.” (p.37)
Word of God:
Before he died
I read the Bible haphazardly.
Let it fall open here or there.
Instant inspiration, or
Instant boredom.
Sometimes I started a study and stopped.
I could take it or leave it,
And often I left.
But now it’s vital.
Now, I breathe it,
Memorize it,
Survive on it.
Why?
When he died, my world died.
Everything changed.
But the Bible.
It never changes. (p.55)
The Kaleidoscope:
I’m a kaleidoscope of moods, Lord.
One moment I’m a composite of
Bright, sunny thoughts:
Pretty,
Precise
Patterns.
I seem to have it all together.
But a quick twist of the mind
Sets those thoughts
Tumbling into disarray.
Suddenly nothing makes sense.
Where has that image gone?
What made me fall apart?
Yesterday the picture soothed my Spirit.
Today, it ripped my heart
To see us grouped with him.
The broken bits of feelings
Just keep changing,
Tumbling continually.
What do You see from your end of the cylinder, Lord?
Do You see symmetry,
A snowflake pattern like my girl’s toy?
Or is it jumbled to You, too?
Twist and turn me till I fall into place.
Till I please Your perfect eye.
Then, hold me steady
Till You choose another view.
I can accept the shifting moods, Lord,
If I know they’re controlled by You. (pp.59-62)
Comparing:
Don’t compare me with Mrs. Jones
Across the street.
I know her son’s in a coma.
And don’t tell me to think of Susie.
I know she’s got a rotten husband.
I know those people hurt.
But I hurt, too.
And their pain doesn’t make
Mine any less.
When I can think clearly,
I’ll recognize my blessings.
Right now, the sorrow is too severe
If you must make a comparison,
Compare me with yourself.
You’ve got a healthy husband,
A complete family.
You count your own blessings,
And let me discover mine
Myself. (p.75)
Life and Death:
Sometimes I feel a twinge of pity
For those who haven’t
Experienced it.
I thought I had done it all.
During high-school days
I looked forward to
Getting married.
I experienced that.
Then I yearned for a baby.
I had two of those.
I thought I had experienced it all.
I was ready to settle down
For a long uneventful life,
Looking forward to
Grandchildren,
Vacations,
Retirement together.
A trip to Hong Kong perhaps.
I didn’t allow myself to
Think about death.
That could come when
We were both past our prime
And had lived full lives.
Then we could die
Peacefully with children
And grandchildren gathered
Round while we gave
Them our blessing.
Or else we would go together
In the Rapture.
I had never planned my
Life this way.
But now I have experienced it all:
Marriage,
Childbirth,
Death.
And I’ve discovered that until
You’ve experienced death,
You haven’t experienced life. (pp.93-94)